How To Make Him Tell The Truth: 7 Essential Strategies

So you feel he’s not being totally honest with you about his feelings, something he did, or something that’s going on. You can sense he’s keeping secrets or not telling you everything.

Say you’ve noticed he’s been texting a lot more lately and seems secretive about who he’s talking to. You worry he’s talking to someone he shouldn’t be.

Or, he’s been coming home late from work more often than usual without a good explanation. You start to think there’s more to the story than just extra work.

Perhaps he promised to stop doing something that bothers you, like smoking or spending too much money, but you’ve seen signs he’s still doing it. You’re looking for a way to get him to be honest about his actions.

In each of these situations, you’re seeking honesty to understand what’s really happening.

7 reasons he might not be telling you the truth

First, knowing why he might be keeping secrets is key. This knowledge will help you figure out how to encourage him to be honest. Here are frequent reasons:

1. He’s scared of how you’ll react

He thinks if he tells the truth, you’ll get upset, angry, or disappointed. He chooses to keep things to himself to avoid a tough conversation or hurting your feelings.

Or, he chooses to tell you waht you want to hear, even if it’s not entirely true. By saying something you’re happy with, he avoids conflict and keeps things smooth between you two.

2. He feels guilty

If he’s made a mistake or done something wrong, guilt can make it hard for him to admit it. It’s easier to hide the truth than face the fact that he’s messed up.

3. He has a different view of the truth

He may not even realize he’s not being fully honest because he sees things differently. E.g. what he believes happened or what he thinks is okay may not match up with how you see things.

4. He thinks you don’t trust him and you won’t believe him

If he thinks you’ve already made up your mind and won’t believe anything he says, he may not see the point in being honest.

5. Telling you the truth might end your relationship

If he believes the truth could break you two up, he may decide it’s better to keep it to himself if the fear of losing you is too great.

6. He’s entitled to his private space

He might not share everything deliberately because he believes in keeping some parts of his life or thoughts to himself.

He doesn’t see it as dishonesty, he believes in maintaining some personal privacy.

7. He’s unsure about his feelings

If this is about how he feels, he might not be telling the truth because he’s confused. He needs time to figure things out and is afraid to say the wrong thing in the meantime.

7 essential tips to make him be more honest

Now that we’ve seen why he might not be telling the truth, let’s look at 7 essential tips for encouraging more honesty from him.

1. Be ready to hear the truth

Before you ask him to be honest, make sure you’re prepared for what he might say. Sometimes the truth can be hard to hear. Being open to it on the receiving end is the first step towards honesty.

Some people complain about being lied to, but in reality they cannot take the truth and prefer not to know certain things. Ask yourself how much truth you’re ready for.

2. Ask him directly and frankly

Instead of hinting or hoping he’ll guess what you want to know, be clear and straightforward. Ask him directly about what’s on your mind.

This shows you not only preach but also practice honesty, setting the tone by being honest yourself.

3. Control your emotions when he shares

If he admits to something you find upsetting, try not to display an intimidating flood of emotions. Emotions generally trigger emotions. If he’s overwhelmed by your reaction, it might make him hesitant to share in the future.

It’s normal to feel hurt in certain situations, but try to keep calm and listen to the whole story before reacting. And when you do react, try to stay poised and in control.

4. Give him the benefit of the doubt

This can go a long way. Show him you intrinsically trust him, and feel there’s probably a good reason he lies or doesn’t tell the whole truth – e.g. to protect you, or out of embarrassement or shame.

Don’t automatically assume the worst (or at least, don’t let him that). Your trust will encourage him to hold back less and share more freely.

5. Avoid being judgmental

If you want him to keep being open, try not to judge what he tells you. Understanding and compassion will make a big difference in how comfortable he feels being honest.

For example, if he told you he was held at work when in reality he went for drinks with his colleagues, try to understand the reasons he couldn’t tell you. Put yourself in his shoes.

6. Give him space

Respect his need for privacy, especially about sensitive topics like past relationships. Don’t push too hard for information he’s not ready to share. Everyone needs a little personal space.

If you don’t pressure him into sharing his personal stories or feelings, chances are he will progressively open up and share them with you over time.

7. Ask for honesty as you would from a friend

Treat him like a close friend whom you expect honesty from. Let him know that being truthful is what friends do for each other, and it’s something you value highly in your relationship.

While you expect a close friend to be honest and tell you the truth most of the time, you generally don’t expect them to reveal their deepest, darkest personal secrets.

How To Make Him Tell The Truth: 7 Essential Strategies