Why Would A Guy Still Contact You When He Has Made It Clear He Does Not Want A Relationship?
So you dated this guy, and just when it felt like things were heading somewhere, he backed off, saying he’s not ready for a relationship.
You tried to get to the bottom of it, but he dodged your questions and got busy. It hurt, but you accepted it and stopped trying to chase him.
You figured if he didn’t want to build something real, why bother?
For a while, it was quiet, but then out of nowhere, he’s back, calling and texting you. You feel so confused. You’re not into casual stuff, and he knows it. So, what’s he after? What’s behind his messages?
There are a few reasons that could be driving him to reach out. Let’s explore what might be going on in his head.
1. He wants friendship
He might be contacting you because he enjoys your company and wants to be friends. To find out if that’s the case, you could ask him directly. For example, text him: “How come you’re still texting me, is it because you want to be friends?”
Based on his answer, you’ll know what to do next. If he says yes, he wants friendship, think about how you feel. Are you cool with being just friends?
If the idea of being just friends makes you uneasy or disappointed, maybe take a step back and limit contact to protect your feelings.
2. He needs emotional support
He might be reaching out because he likes having you as emotional support. Pay attention to what he talks about. Does he mostly discuss his problems or seek advice? If so, that’s a clue. You can try asking him directly.
If you’re okay being his emotional support and it doesn’t bother you, then continue as is.
But if you feel like he’s using you just for emotional backup and you’re not happy with that, it might be time to set some boundaries or pull back.
3. He’s keeping his options open
He might keep in touch to keep his options open for the future. To see if this is what’s happening, look at how he communicates.
Does he avoid making clear plans? Does he keep things vague about when you’ll talk or see each other next?
Try asking him something like this: “I’ve been thinking about how we stay in touch. Are you keeping in touch because you might want something more later on?”
If he admits it, or if he’s not giving you a straight answer, think about what you want. If you’re not okay with being an option, it might be best to move on and focus on someone who sees you as their choice, instead of an option.
4. He needs an ego boost
He could be contacting you because it boosts his ego to have someone interested in him around. Notice if he reaches out more when he seems down.
You could ask him, “You seem to message me when you need a pick-me-up. Do our chats boost your mood?”
If it turns out it’s true, decide if you’re okay with this. If it doesn’t feel right to you, and you want more than to be someone’s cheerleader, it might be time to pull back and invest your time in someone who values you for more than just a boost.
5. He calls you out of habit
He might be reaching out to you due of habit, especially if that’s been going on for a long time.
Observe if his messages come at a regular time or in response to certain events, like if he always texts after a weekly thing.
You could ask him, “Is chatting with me part of your routine?” If you’re looking for more and this isn’t enough for you, it might be time to change your own habits and focus on what makes you happy.
6. He calls you out of boredom
If he’s reaching out of boredom, his messages may come in during times when people often have nothing to do, e.g. late at night or on weekend afternoons.
Try asking him, “Are you just looking for someone to chat with when you’re bored?”
If so, you might want to spend your time with someone who reaches out because they’re genuinely interested in you, not just to fill their time.
7. He feels physical attraction
He might be staying in touch because he’s attracted to you physically and sexually, and he’s interested in something casual.
A good sign is if his messages are very flirty, or if he often wants to see you intimately but never engages in true conversations.
If you’re not interested in a relationship that’s only sexual, it might be best to let him know and distance yourself to avoid frustration and hurt feelings on your side.
8. He has mixed feelings
He might still contact you because he’s unsure about his feelings. If so, his messages may swing between warm and distant, he might talk about missing you one day and then act casually the next.
If you’re looking for certainty and his indecision is causing you stress, it’s probably healthier for you to step back and focus on what makes you feel secure and happy.
9. You have a common social circle
He might keep contacting you because you share the same social circle. You can see this when his messages or calls are primarily about events, hobbies, or people you both know.
If you’re looking for something more personal and his messages don’t go beyond group things, it may be time to look for a deeper relationship elsewhere.
10. He’s feeling guilt
He may still be reaching out because he feels guilty about how things ended between you two.
If so, his messages might come after periods of silence, and he may seem apologetic, or often ask if you’re okay.
If his guilt is making things uncomfortable or preventing you from moving on, it’s best to have an honest conversation about it.
You could tell him that it’s okay to let go and that you both can move forward separately.
11. He needs closure
Perhaps he’s contacting you because he’s looking for closure. A typical sign is if his messages keep rehashing the past or he keeps trying to understand what went wrong.
If you also need closure, a conversation to end things on a clear note might help. But if you’ve already moved on, you can just tell him that it’s time to stop rehashing the past and you wish him well for the future.
12. He’s curious about you
Another reason he stays in touch is if he’s curious about your life now. If so, his messages will often pop up after noteworthy things happen in your life (and he learns about them).
If you’re fine with a catch-up chat now and then, that’s cool. But if you feel like he’s just treating your life like a newsfeed and you want more meaningful interactions, it might be time to limit what you share with him and move on.
So we’ve looked at 12 reasons why a guy might still be in touch even after stating he’s not looking for a relationship – and knowing you’re not into casual dating.
It’s fine to stay friends, but be careful not to let that hold you back or keep you from finding someone who’s a better match.
Staying in a “sort-of-friends” situation can be easy, but it might mean you miss out on meeting the right one.
