How Can I Still Love Him After He Cheated On Me? (16 Reasons)

You’re struggling after discovering your partner’s infidelity. At first all you felt was anger, but as the dust settled, you’ve been doing some serious soul searching. Why, after 3 years and the betrayal of cheating, do you still love this man?

Beyond the history and relationship you’ve built, you’ve realized your connection runs deeper. When things were good, he was your best friend and biggest supporter. You just clicked on a level you’ve never experienced before or since.

As hurt as you are, that spark is still there.

You also can’t deny the role you may have played. You’d fallen into a routine, prioritizing careers over each other. The distance gave him a reason to stray, though it doesn’t excuse his actions.

If you’re honest, you can understand how it happened even if you don’t condone it.

Most of all, he’s still the same caring, funny person you committed your life to. You want to give him a chance at redemption if he’s willing to do the hard work of earning back your trust.

Like many other women, you’re wondering how you can still have strong feelings for him even after he cheated and broke your trust.

Let’s dig into the deeper reasons why you choose to hang on to the relationship.

See also: I Don’t Trust My Boyfriend Even Though He Hasn’t Done Anything

1. Emotional attachment

You still feel attached to him because of the strong bond you’ve built together. This bond is like a deep connection made from all your shared moments, good and bad. It’s not easy to break this bond, even when he hurts you.

Your heart remembers the good times and feelings and so you still feel love for him even though he cheated. This strong rope tied over years doesn’t just snap because of one bad thing.

2. Love and forgiveness

You may see past the hurt because your feelings for him are deep. You truly love him and believe in giving second chances.

Forgiveness and optimism can be a powerful thing, it shows your ability to look beyond mistakes and focus on the love you still have.

However, forgiving shoud not mean forgetting. It’s merely making peace with what happened and deciding to move forward. Forgiveness should be for your own healing, not just to excuse his actions.

Make sure he doesn’ take your forgiveness for granted, and makes real efforts to rebuild trust.

3. Investment in the relationship

Feeling invested in the relationship makes it hard for you to let go. Putting years of work into building something, and then facing the idea of starting over is overwhelming.

You’ve shared experiences, memories, and sacrifices for the relationship. This investment pushes you to hold onto hope even when he cheated.

This is often referred to as the ‘sunk cost fallacy’: thinking you must continue because of all you’ve already put in.

However, your future happiness is what matters here. Sometimes, the best choice is to know when it’s time to move forward, with or without him.

4. Self-esteem issues

You may unconsciously think you don’t deserve better than a relationship where he cheats. Deep inside, you believe it’s your fault, or that you can’t find someone who will treat you better.

These feelings make you stay because you fear you won’t find love again.

You must realize your value doesn’t decrease because of someone else’s inability to see it. By building your self-esteem, you will see that you deserve a relationship based on respect and trust.

5. Fear of being alone

The idea of not having him in your life is scary. Being with someone, even if things aren’t perfect, feels safer than facing the world by yourself.

This fear can make you hold on to the relationship, as the unknown of being alone seems harder than the pain of staying. It’s a familiar path, even if it’s rocky, over an unknown road.

This fear is natural, but be aware that being alone can also be a chance for growth and finding happiness in new ways.

6. Denial and rationalization

You find reasons to justify what he did, or you say to yourself it wasn’t that serious. You may even blame yourself or external stress for his actions.

This is a way to shield yourself from the full pain of betrayal. It’s easier to deny the hurt than face it head-on.

However, facing the truth is key to healing. Understanding the reality of the situation helps you make decisions based on what’s really happening instead of what you wish were true.

7. Hope for change

You hold on to hope that he will change, you believe in a promise for a better future where mistakes are lessons learned.

You love him and see the good in him, the cheating was just a bad phase that can be fixed.

It’s natural to want to believe in someone you love, but hope should be balanced with reality. Change is possible, but it needs effort and sometimes professional help. Watch for real changes, not just promises, to protect your heart and well-being.

8. Holding on to future plans

You may cling on to a dream you both created, it’s hard to let go of the life you imagined together. A house, trips, growing old together, your future plans make the hurt seem smaller.

Even though it’s natural to grieve lost plans and painful to let go of these dreams, it’s crucial for you to consider if the trust and respect in the relationship can be rebuilt.

9. Your past experiences

These can strongly influence how you handle his cheating. If your past life is filled with similar situations, you might see his actions through a familiar lens.

Maybe you grew up in an environment where infidelity was common, or maybe your past relationships have set a precedent. You may be more likely to accept or endure cheating.

If you can recognize these influences, e.g. with the help of therapist, it will help you make choices based on what you truly need and deserve, and create a different path.

10. Fear of judgement

Judgment from others may keep you from leaving the relationship. You worry about what people will think or say if you make a change.

You may fear being judged for not keeping the relationship together, or you’re afraid to be seen as a failure. Your concern about others’ opinions can be powerful and influence you to stay even if you’re unhappy.

To beat the fear of what others think, reflect on what really makes you happy and healthy. Talk to people you trust, like close friends or a counselor, who can help you feel good about your choices.

11. Love or admiration for his qualities

Even after he cheated, you focus on the best side of him. Maybe he’s caring, smart, or has other traits you deeply value.

This admiration makes you overlook the hurt because you see more in him than just his mistake.

It’s natural to cherish the good in someone you love. But it’s also important to balance this admiration with the reality of the relationship. Respect and trust are crucial.

Love should be about valuing the whole person, including how they treat you.

See also: Why Am I Not In Love With My Boyfriend? (Even Though He Is)

12. You believe monogamy is complex

You think relationships as not just black and white. You understand people can make mistakes, and that cheating doesn’t always mean the end of love. Human relationships are intricate and can face challenges.

This view makes you more open to working through the issue as you feel it’s a part of the complexities of being with someone.

While it’s good to understand that love is complex, it’s also key to ensure your needs and values are being respected. You need to balance understanding with self-respect.

13. Co-dependency

You rely heavily on him for your emotional well-being. You can’t be happy or whole without him, even if he’s hurt you by cheating.

This dependency can make ending the relationship seem impossible. It’s a pattern where your self-worth and emotions are deeply tied to how he treats you.

Co-dependency isn’t healthy. It’s paramount that you learn to find strength and happiness within yourself. This is essential to building your independence and self-esteem for a balanced and healthy relationship (with him or someone else).

14. Shared social circle

If your friends are also his, and you’re close to his family (or vice versa), this can make the decision to leave him more difficult for you. Besides losing him, you might lose the friends and social connections you have in common.

Social relationships are valuable, but they shouldn’t come at the cost of staying in a situation that hurts you. Your true friends should understand and support your decision, whatever it may be.

15. Loyalty and commitment values

Perhaps you firmly believe that relationships need work and shouldn’t be given up easily. Staying is a sign of your dedication and strength to overcome challenges.

However, loyalty is a two-way street, both of you need to be equally committed to respecting and valuing each other. Your loyalty should be reciprocated, and the relationship should be healthy for both of you.

16. Family and children

Staying for the sake of children and family is common. You worry about how breaking up will affect them, you think staying together is best for your kids to give them a stable home.

However, children also need a healthy and happy environment. Sometimes, staying in an unhappy relationship can be more harmful to them in the long run.

You need to weigh the effects on your family’s overall well-being vs the immediate comfort of staying together.