He Loves Me But He’s Too Busy

Your boyfriend of several years consistently puts work before your relationship. While he says he loves you, you can’t help feeling like he has other top priorities.

No matter how much you try to schedule quality time together, something always comes up requiring his attention at the office. Spontaneous dates or trips get canceled last minute due to “emergencies.”

Even evenings and weekends that should be yours often get interrupted by phone calls and emails.

You know he has a demanding job, but it’s taking a toll on you feeling valued and connected to him. When you are together, it’s like he’s always distracted or preoccupied.

He says he wants to do better at making you a priority too, but his actions don’t match his words. You hardly get to talk to him, and it feels like you’re always waiting for someone who isn’t there. He doesn’t make efforts to explain or fix things.

When you try to talk about it, he brushes it off, making you feel like you’re wrong to feel this way. This makes you feel lonely and neglected, as if you’re not that important in his life.

See also: 17 Signs He’s Not The One For You

You’re not his priority

Being busy is a part of life, but when it consistently gets in the way of spending time with someone he claims to love, it may be a red flag.

You may notice you’re not the main focus in his life. He cares about you, but other parts of his life like his job, friends, or hobbies come before you. In a loving relationship, you should be someone’s priority.

If he immerses himself in work, it may be a way to avoid investing too much in the relationship. He keeps himself busy and makes himself unavailable.

Without jumping to conclusions, ask him if this is why he’s so focused on work. If you see it’s a deliberate choice he makes, moving forward for your own sake may be your best option.

It’s tough to hear and even tougher to do, but it’s important for your own well-being. In a romantic relationship, it’s essential for both people to set aside time for each other, even when their schedules are full.

See also: You’re Not His Priority Anymore

Set clear boundaries

Most people have a busy schedule and little time, however, we are not always busy all the time.

If he’s putting you on the backburner even though you’ve noticed he has free time once in a while for other things, and you feel you can no longer bear it, you should let him know.

You might say something like: “I feel like we’re not spending enough time together, and I don’t feel appreciated. I care about you and think we have potential, but I’m not happy with how things are right now. If things don’t get better, I’ll need to go my own way. That way, you can focus on what seems to matter more to you.”

See also: My Boyfriend Wants To Break Up After Every Fight

He’s “breadcrumbing” you

This is a worst-case pattern that exists in some relationships. Breadcrumbing is when someone gives just enough attention to keep you interested, but not enough to really be committed.

You get small bits of affection or promises that never lead to anything more. E.g. you may get a random text or a call once in a while, but plans to meet up or have a real conversation never happen.

He’s keeping you around as an option without really investing in the relationship. It leaves you hanging, unsure of where you stand.

If that’s you, then you definitely need to take action for your own sake, starting from including talking to him.

See also: I’ve Met His Family But Not His Friends

Mirror his behavior

If talking to him doesn’t change anything, another possible approach is to stop reaching out and keep yourself busy, pretending he doesn’t exist.

Having a full life with friends and activities is a good way to handle a man who is always too busy.

So if he suggests plans, respond with, “maybe some other time.” Then, don’t reach out to him. If he contacts you, be polite but don’t commit to anything.

Avoid discussing whether he likes you or not. Act as if you’re moving on with your life. Be friendly, but not too attached.

He’ll start to understand how his actions affect you when he experiences the same treatment. However, be aware there’s also a chance he might not react much to the change, which could show the relationship is not that important to him.

Either way, this is a good way to gauge his interest and commitment, and help you decide how to move forward.

See also: 9 reasons he doesn’t want a relationship

Is he busy building something for the two of you?

It may be the case that your man is working really hard for a good reason, e.g. pushing himself to build a better future for both of you.

If that’s the case, it’s important to understand the pressure he’s under. He’s not just busy for no reason, he’s trying to achieve something, maybe for you and him together.

So, instead of adding more pressure, you may choose to be supportive. Show him that you get what he’s going through and that you’re there for him.

Try not to blame him for being busy if he has good reasons for his schedule. Avoid suspecting that he’s busy with others or doubting his intentions. These doubts can lead to unnecessary fights or even a breakup.

Tell him that while you support his goals, spending time together can help reduce his stress, which is good for both his work and your relationship.

One way to spend time with him is to give him wakeup calls and having him call you during his breaks.

Plan simple dates like chilling together with Netflix, or occastionally go out for the evening just the two of you.

This way, you both get quality time without interfering with his career goals.

Build your emotional independence

If your boyfriend is very busy for legitimate reasons even though he truly cares about you, dealing with it will be hard if you depend a lot on him for your happiness.

Think about how you usually act in relationships. If you’re someone who needs a lot of attention and reassurance from your boyfriend, perhaps that’s your attachment style.

Recognizing this can help you develop strategies to become more secure in your relationship.

It’s important to try to become more emotionally independent. This means doing things that make you happy, apart from your boyfriend. It could be spending time with friends, a hobby, or personal goals.

If your job isn’t fulfilling, finding one that you really enjoy can make a big difference. When you’re happy and confident in yourself, you won’t feel so upset when your boyfriend is busy.

You need to find the right balance between loving your time with him and also enjoying your own life.