He Loves Me More Than I Love Him: What Should I Do?

There are clear signs your boyfriend loves you more than you love him. He’s always the first to text or call, and thinks about you constantly. When you’re together, he’s all in, focusing on you and making sure you’re happy and comfortable.

Even when you’re apart, he sends messages just to say he misses you. He always shows you deep affection, the kind that goes beyond the ordinary.

It’s clear he holds a strong love for you, perhaps even more than you realize.

This avalanche of affection is heartwarming, but is this intensity of one-sided love a bad thing? In this article, we explore why this might be a problem for you and the potential reasons that keep you in the relationship.

See also: Why Am I Not In Love With My Boyfriend?

He’s obsessed with you

He’s obsessed with you in ways that might seem sweet but also a bit much sometimes. He wants to be with you all the time, gets super excited about everything you do together, and always wants to know what you’re up to.

He looks at you with adoration in his eyes, always craving your attention and affection, and relies on you for emotional support a lot more than you do on him.

It seems he can’t get enough of you. This makes you feel special, but it’s also overwhelming. You might start to feel like there’s no room to breathe or be by yourself.

While it’s great to have someone who thinks the world of you, you also wish for a bit more balance where you can have some space for yourself.

See also: 8 Psychological Traits That Draw Men To Women

How it first started

When you started dating him, he fell for you hard and fast. For him,it was surely love at first sight.

For you, on the other hand, you appreciated his kindness, his way of making you laugh, and how he always seemed to care about making you feel good.

It wasn’t an instant spark, more of a slow build, admiring his good qualities and how he treated you.

As your relationship progressed, there was always a big difference in how you and him expressed love and need for each other.

Bad vibes and feelings of guilt

There are times when you find yourself being less than kind to him, maybe out of frustration or because you’re feeling smothered.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t react badly. Instead, he seems to understand and tries even harder to make things right.

You feel guilty because it’s clear he’s putting in so much effort and love, and you’re not sure if you’re giving back as much.

You question your feelings and whether you’re treating him fairly. You care about him but struggle with the intensity of his feelings compared to yours.

Talking about how you both feel is challenging. You worry about hurting his feelings or making him think you don’t care about him.

It’s hard to find the right words to explain that you need more space without making it seem like you want to push him away. He may take things to heart and feel like he’s doing something wrong.

This all makes conversations about feelings and needs difficult. You both end up not saying what you really feel, which adds to the misunderstandings.

See also:
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15 Obvious Signs He’s Forgiving You For Cheating

Diverging attachment styles

In psychological speak, your boyfriend might be described as having an anxious-preoccupied attachment type, whereas you may be an avoidant type.

Anxious-preoccupied and avoidant individuals often struggle with compatibility because their ways of handling closeness and emotional needs clash.

The anxious-preoccupied partner craves closeness and reassurance, fearing abandonment, which leads them to seek more attention and affirmation.

In contrast, the avoidant partner values independence and may feel suffocated by too much closeness, leading them to withdraw.

This withdrawal triggers the anxious partner’s fears, creating a cycle of push and pull that can be stressful and unsatisfying for both.

Each partner’s instinctive reactions can reinforce the other’s insecurities. This makes it hard for them to meet each other’s emotional needs without conscious effort and communication.

You love that he loves you

So why are you staying with him despite the challenges?

Maybe what you really love about him is the way he loves you. It feels good to be cared for so deeply, to know someone is always there for you.

Ask yourself if perhaps you’re only staying with him out of fear of not finding someone else who will love you as much as he does – even though you may love that new man more than your current boyfriend.

It’s possible that you’re insecure deep inside and feel that you’re not completely worthy of so much love. You unconsciously believe you’ll never find this kind of love elsewhere. See also this article for more on this.

Staying with him gives you security and comfort. Facing the reality of an imbalanced relationship, and possibly a breakup, is really hard even if it’s for finding someone you love more.

See also: 15 Signs That You Love The Idea of Him (Not Him)

Other reasons why you may be staying

Past hurts from old relationships could also be playing a big part. If you’ve been hurt before, sticking with someone who loves you more can feel safer. It’s a security blanket, protecting you from the fear of being hurt again.

You’re willing to trade off not feeling as strongly just to have that sense of safety.

And then, there’s the influence of your family. If you saw your parents in an imbalanced relationship where one loved more than the other, you might be repeating this pattern without even realizing it.

It’s familiar to you, and sometimes we gravitate towards what we know, even if it’s not what’s best for us.

Alternatively, if there were infidelity issues in your family, it could be driving you to prioritize security over everything else. The fear of experiencing similar betrayal makes you want to avoid any situation that could lead to infidelity.

Staying with someone who loves you deeply, more than you love them, might seem like a safe choice because you believe it reduces the risk of them being unfaithful. It’s a way of protecting yourself from the pain you saw infidelity cause in your family.

Another possible reason you’re staying is that he has a caregiving type of personality, where he finds fulfillment in providing support and affection. You, on the other hand, may have a more receptive personality, enjoying and valuing the care you receive.

He gives the care and support you’re used to receiving, and it fits well with how you interact in relationships.

See also: I Think We Should See Other People: 9 Possible Meanings

Do you really love him less than he loves you?

It may hard to say who loves the other more. Love is a tricky thing to measure. It varies from person to person, and there’s no set rule for it.

Take a moment to think about how you feel and what you do. Do you show your love and appreciation for him regularly, in your own way? Do you prioritize his happiness? Do you miss him when you’re not together?

If you realize you don’t love him the way he loves you, but you’re worried about hurting him, it’s important that you handle the situation with care and honesty.

It’s natural to want to avoid causing pain to someone you care about, but staying in a relationship where your feelings don’t match can lead to more hurt in the long run for both of you.

See also: 17 Signs He’s Not The One For You