Should I Take Him Back? 8 Questions to Really Ask Yourself

Breaking up is tough. It hurts and makes you feel lost, no matter if ending things seemed right. You might spend weeks or months getting over the sadness.

You learn to let go of the past and accept that he’s not in your life anymore. You tell yourself it’s time to move on and start fresh.

Healing takes time, for some of us, it’s quite a long process.

Just when you’ve started to feel better, he shows up again. He’s full of apologies and wants another chance. Suddenly, you’re stuck at a crossroads, your heart pulling you in different directions.

You remember the good times but can’t forget the bad ones. You have a big decision to make: should you take him back?

Taking him back means risking your future on someone who’s already hurt you. You need to think this through calmly. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment. Be logical.

Reflect on why things ended in the first place. Ask yourself if the reasons for the breakup are things that can’t be changed or if they’re issues you two can work on.

Here are 8 crucial questions you need to ask yourself when considering the decision. Make sure your take the time to consider them deeply, be honest with yourself. Your future happiness may depend on it.

1. Why do you want him back?

Consider the real reasons why you’d want him back. Are you feeling lonely without him or do you truly miss him as a person?

If you’re just lonely, getting back together might not be the best idea. Be honest with yourself. If it’s just loneliness talking, it might be better to move on.

Are you idealizing him and the relationship? Sometimes, it’s easy to remember only the good times and forget the bad. Make sure you’re seeing things clearly.

2. What are your real feelings for him?

Think about how you truly feel about him. Do you see a future together? Do your personalities and dreams align?

Do you respect him as a person? Ask yourself if he’s someone you would be friends with if you weren’t dating.

Imagine your life together in the long term. Do you see yourself having children with him?

Is he truly better than anyone else you could meet, or are you just confused because he says he loves you?

See also: Why Am I Not In Love With My Boyfriend? (Even Though He Is)

3. What are the real reasons he wants you back?

You might wonder why he now wants you back after weeks or months apart. He may just miss the comfort and familiarity of a relationship, and feel lonely or regretful.

Maybe he’s just trying to fill a void in his life. Or he may have realized he lost someone who truly cared for him, and he struggles to find that same connection with others.

He could also truly miss you and the good times you share and hope to make things right. Only you can determine if he truly cares and respects you, or if he’s only trying to soothe his own needs and feelings.

See also: He Loves Me More Than I Love Him

4. What was your relationship like?

Think carefully about how your relationship really was. Try to remember not just the happy times but also the tough ones.

Ask yourself if you felt loved and valued. Was he understanding and kind, or did you often feel ignored and unimportant?

Consider if you both make each other’s lives better or worse. Do you bring out the best in each other or do you end up causing more harm and unhappiness?

Also, think about how you handled disagreements and tough times. Were you able to work through problems together without thinking about ending things up every time there was a challenge?

Or did the smallest issues quickly turn into big arguments that threatened to break you up?

5. Why exactly did you break up?

Think about why you broke up in the first place. Are you blaming him for everything, or do you see it as a situation where both of you made mistakes?

Try to determine the real reason. Did he think it was the right thing to do, or was he against it? Did you end things to make a point, out of pettiness, or because of serious issues in your relationship?

Did you both learn from the breakup, and are you willing to work on the issues that caused it? If you had known what you know now back then, would the breakup have still happened?

6. Do you expect him to have changed?

If there were deep problems, consider whether you’ve witnessed real change in him that makes you believe getting back together would be different this time.

Have you seen concrete signs of his change, or are you just hoping he’s different this time around? Make sure to distinguish between hope and reality.

People don’t change overnight. Is he only saying the right things now because you has moved on and become stronger and more independent?

True change is consistent and evident in someone’s actions over tim – vs. what they say when they want something.

7. Where are you in your life?

If you’re feeling good about your life right now, happy and doing things on your own, think about what it would really mean to get back with him.

Will he make your life better, or will he bring problems? You want a relationship that makes your good life better, not one that brings you down.

If, on the other hand, times are tough for you, if you’re feeling stuck or really down, It’s easy to go back to what’s familiar because it feels safe and comfortable, but that might stop you from dealing with your real issues and moving forward.

Focus on making things better for yourself first. Make sure your decision will help you feel good in the long run, not just right now. Self-growth should be your priority.

8. Think about all the pain you went through

Remember the tough times and how much they hurt. Think about the arguments, the tears, and the moments you felt let down or alone.

Ask yourself if you want to risk going through that pain again by taking him back. Have things really changed enough to make it different this time?

It’s okay to cherish the good memories, but don’t forget the hard parts too. They were real and could happen again!

Make sure you’re not just missing the idea of him or the happy times, also considering the whole picture, including the pain.

Use these experiences to learn and grow, and not repeat the same mistakes.

Think about the progress you’ve made on your own. Is it worth risking that for someone who’s linked to painful memories?

Make sure you’re not stepping back into a situation that could bring the same old pain.