15 Strong Signs That You Love The Idea of Him (Not Him)

Falling in love with a man truly means getting to know him deeply, beyond just the surface. Sometimes, we catch ourselves saying, “You’re not the person I thought you were,” but often, we haven’t really taken enough time to understand who they are.

It’s easy to fall for the idea of someone, creating a perfect image in our minds. But love is about seeing past our fantasies and embracing the real person with all their quirks and flaws.

Recognizing this fantasy for what it is the key to starting something genuine. Letting go of your perfect image and embracing their true self is the first step towards building a meaningful relationship.

Below are 15 reliable signs that you’re in love with the idea of someone rather than the man himself.

See also: 17 Signs He’s Not The One For You

1. You think he’s perfect

You’re seeing him through rose-colored glasses. Everyone has flaws, but you’re choosing to ignore his. You’ve put him on a pedestal and expect him to be this ideal person who can do no wrong.

True love sees and accepts imperfections too.

See also: He’s Is Too Good For Me…

2. You love how he makes you feel

You’re drawn to the joy and excitement he brings into your life. This feeling is wonderful, however, there’s more to love than just feeling good. True love goes deeper, embracing everything about someone, including their flaws.

If you’re only chasing the happy feelings, you might be overlooking who he truly is, beyond the moments of joy.

3. You don’t know his qualities

You have a hard time describing his real qualities because you don’t know him that well. Such a deep understanding is crucial for real love.

Without knowing him fully, your feelings are likely based more on your imagination than on the reality of who he is.

4. You dream about a future together

You imagine your future together without really knowing his plans or dreams. Have future dreams is natural when you’re in love. However, if these dreams are all you focus on, you likely miss the present moment.

Real love also involves enjoying the here and now with him. Your dreams are shared and grounded in the reality of both your lives, not just a perfect scenario in your head.

5. You feel uncomfortable around him

You’re not fully relaxed or yourself when you’re together. You’re trying to fit into the idea of what you think he wants or expects. There’s a disconnect between your true self and the persona you adopt around him.

This is typically a sign the image you have of him in your mind doesn’t align with who he actually is.

See also: Why Am I Not In Love With My Boyfriend?

6. You prefer imaginary conversations

You like thinking about conversations with him more than actually talking to him. You find yourself dreaming up chats and situations with him that aren’t happening for real.

You also make your conversations with him sound better in your head than they are in reality. That’s because you’re falling for the idea of him you’ve created, not the man he truly is and the real talks you could be having.

7. You’re disappointed by expectations

You feel let down when he doesn’t meet your high hopes because you’ve set the bar based on an ideal picture in your head. You’ve imagined him acting a certain way, and when he doesn’t live up to that, you feel disappointed.

This again is a sign you’re more in love with the perfect image you’ve created of him, not the real person with his own ways of doing things.

8. You focus on fantasy

You spend a lot of time thinking about how things could be with him. You focus on the romantic and fantasy aspects of the relationship, but you ignore the reality of everyday life together.

You’re into the dream version of your relationship, where everything goes perfectly and he’s exactly as you wish.

9. You overlook his faults

You ignore his mistakes or the things about him that aren’t so great, you think they’ll change because of your love. You’re in love with the idea of him and choose to see only the good parts.

You pretend the not-so-good doesn’t exist rather than accepting him as a whole person, flaws and all.

10. You’re in love with being in a relationship

You’re more obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship than being with him specifically. You like the idea of being someone’s girlfriend more than you like him as a person.

You’re in love with the concept of a relationship, you enjoy how it makes you look or feel.

See also: He Loves Me More Than I Love Him: What Should I Do?

11. You’re more in love with him when apart

If you feel you love him more when you’re not together, it really shows you’re really into the version of him you’ve created in your mind.

When you’re apart, you think about all the good times and ignore the bad ones. You cherish the memories and fantasies more than the real moments you share.

12. You’re frustrated by his true self

You get frustrated when he shows his true self because it doesn’t match the perfect image you’ve created. You get upset because he’s not living up to the version of him you’ve imagined. You’re struggling to accept who he really is.

You often compare him to characters in movies or books, and expect him to act in similar romantic ways. You wish he could be more like the perfect guys you see in stories.

You wish he was different, you don’t fully embrace the real him. You’re also attracted to the idea of him changing for you.

13. You care more about big moments than daily joys

You place more value on the milestones of your relationship (like anniversaries) than on the quality of your day-to-day time together. You celebrate big moments more than appreciating the small, real ones you share.

You’re more interested in telling others about him than in spending quality time just the two of you. You enjoy sharing stories and painting a picture of your relationship for others, sometimes making it seem better than it is.

You’re focused on how the relationship looks from the outside. What you’re loving is the idea of being in a relationship and what it represents.

14. You feel something is missing

When you’re with him, you feel like something is missing but you can’t quite figure out what it is.

There’s a gap between what you expected and what is really happening. You have an idea of how things should be, and when reality doesn’t match up, you feel unsatisfied.

15. You await a fairy tale feeling

You keep waiting for the relationship to feel like the fairy tale you’ve imagined, and ignore the real moments you share. You’re looking for a perfect, storybook romance and expect every moment to be magical and flawless.

Final thoughts

When you meet a man, at first, you might be drawn to the fantasy more than the reality. However, as time goes on, you should see who he really is.

Once you get to know him, it might turn out he’s very different from what you first thought. But actually, he’s always been himself. It can be hard to accept his not-so-great sides if you’ve fallen for the idea of who he could be.

Yet, when you start seeing him for who he really is, with all his imperfections, and still feel love, that’s when you know it’s real.