11 True Reasons He Won’t Apologize (And What You Can Do)

Have you ever noticed how some men struggle to say “I’m sorry” to women? After an argument where it’s clear he’s made a mistake, he will stay quiet or swiftly changes the topic.

For example, you and him are watching a movie together. Halfway through, he makes a joke about the plot that spoils the ending for you. You’re clearly upset, but instead of apologizing, he just shrugs and says, “It’s just a movie…” Infuriating!

Situations like this are super common. Why does apologizing seems so hard for some men? In this post, we explore some of the true reasons that make saying sorry challenging for many (though not all) guys.

1. He thinks it makes him look weak

Some guys equate apologizing with being weak. He may be worried that admitting fault makes him seem feeble or less of a man. This comes from feeling pressure to always be strong and in control.

Maybe he grew up hearing that real men don’t apologize or show emotions.

To help him understand, try showing appreciation when he admits mistakes. Let him see that saying sorry doesn’t diminish his strength, but shows maturity and respect.

2. He doesn’t realize how his actions hurt you

He doesn’t understand how his actions affect you. It’s not because he doesn’t care, but he might not realize the impact of what he’s done.

Maybe he’s not good at picking up on emotions or hasn’t experienced similar situations himself. For instance, he might make a joke that hurts your feelings without realizing it. He doesn’t realize that you’re upset because you didn’t explicitly say so.

To help him see things from your perspective, try calmly explaining how his actions made you feel. Sharing specific examples can make it easier for him to understand and be more mindful in the future.

3. He puts his ego before sincerity

He cares more about looking good than admitting when he’s wrong. He’s afraid of bruising his ego, so he avoids apologizing even when he knows he’s made a mistake, just to save face.

He thinks admitting he’s wrong is beneath him, as he must always be right. If he makes a mistake, instead of saying sorry, he tries to justify his actions.

Try to gently show him that everyone makes mistakes and that admitting them is a sign of growth, not weakness. Encourage open discussions with egos aside, where both of you can admit faults without judgment.

4. He follows what society expects of him

He may be reluctant to apologize because he’s trying to act how society tells him men should – be tough and not show feelings. So he sees saying sorry as not being “manly.” This isn’t about what he truly feels, he just has to fit in with these old ideas.

Try talking about how real strength is being honest and caring, not hiding feelings. Help him see that being true to himself and respectful to others is more important than following outdated rules.

5. He gets defensive instead

When he feels blamed, his first reaction is to protect himself. He puts up a shield, maybe because he’s scared of being seen as wrong. For example, if you tell him he’s hurt your feelings, he starts arguing instead of listening.

Try to speak about how you feel without making him feel attacked. Use “I feel” statements rather than “You did.” This lowers his defenses and make it easier for him to hear you and maybe say sorry.

6. He worries about what might happen

He might not apologize because he’s worried about the consequences. If he admits he’s wrong, things could get worse, e.g. lead to more arguments, or you’ll see him differently.

In men, this is often due to fearing the unknown and not trusting that things can improve. Try to create a safe space for conversations and let him see that apologizing won’t lead to more trouble but will help heal and strengthen your relationship.

7. He struggles to talk about his feelings

He finds it hard to talk about his feelings. He might have grown up in an environment where expressing emotions was discouraged. So, when he’s upset or has hurt someone, he doesn’t know how to say it.

For instance, if he’s feeling guilty, he might become quiet instead of share this feeling.

Let him see it’s safe to express his emotions with you. Start conversations about feelings in a calm and non-judgmental way. This will help him feel more comfortable opening up and might lead to apologies when they’re needed.

See also: How To Make Him Tell The Truth

8. He’s too stubborn

Stubbornness comes from wanting to stand firm on his decisions, thinking changing his mind is a sign of weakness. So if he’s wrong about something, instead of admitting it, he might stick to his guns, even when he knows he’s wrong.

If you’re facing this, try to find a middle ground where both of you can share your views without feeling like it’s a battle. Suggest taking a break to cool off before discussing issues.

9. He feels insecure about apologizing

Insecurity may make him worry that saying sorry could make him look less in your eyes. So instead of apologizing, he might avoid the topic altogether because he’s not sure how you’ll react, or he fears the apology won’t be accepted.

Show him that you value honesty and vulnerability. Let him know that apologizing can actually strengthen your relationship.

10. He’s not mature enough to take responsibility

He may be somewhat immature and not understand the impact of his actions or how to fix things. If he says something hurtful, he might laugh it off instead of realizing it caused pain.

Try to encourage growth by showing him the importance of accountability and empathy. Suggest ways he can make things right and help him see how taking responsibility is part of being an adult.

11. He’s had bad experiences with apologies

He may have tried to make amends for a mistake before and it backfired, so he worries the same will happen again. Perhaps it led to more arguments, or his apology wasn’t accepted. This fear of a negative outcome makes him reluctant to apologize again

You can reassure him that you’ll respond positively to his honesty, and show appreciation for his apologies. Discuss issues calmly. This will help build trust and make future apologies feel safer to him.

Wrapping up!

Getting why your guy finds it hard to say sorry helps you talk better and feel closer in your relationship. You can make things better by talking openly, being kind, and making it okay to share feelings.